Songs like Scents
You know the feelings that flood in when you enter a space that smells like a memory from your past? When I was young I learned that the sense of smell offers the strongest memory recall. We cannot always put words to the scent, but our brains have this uncanny method of recall, and the reels of our past begin playing. I have recently had this same flood of memories, more strongly associated with songs than scents.
Once in a while we will hear a song and it will take us back to a period of time, but sometimes it will transport us to a specific event. I can hear “Bye, Bye, Bye,” and instantly head back to high school (or the answering machine greeting that my college roommates and I used our freshman year-Haha). Sometimes a song comes on that my dad used to play on his guitar, and I see our family sitting in the living room singing along. “Let it be, let it be, let it be, Oh, let it be… Whispering words of wisdom, let it be.”
I’m certain you can also relate to this, but it might not be something you have given much thought to. It’s just natural.
Recently, we have been singing a couple of songs in church that have strong memories associated with them, and the memories are stirring up emotions that are not particularly sweet. Emotions that I would like to bury deep in the archives of my being.
Journey back to late October 2021. Darek’s dad was in the hospital, in the ICU, and nobody was allowed to visit him. We believed for a victory, a miracle, a full recovery. Video phone calls were no longer an option and Darek and I decided to drive with our kids to the University of MN Hospital and pray over his dad from outside the building. It was the closest we could be without getting in trouble, so we proceeded to the side of the building where we believed his room might be and prayed. We spoke life and truth over his healing and we sang. I played the song, See a Victory, and we sang along as loud as we possibly could, hoping he might hear through the window and know we were there. Hoping it would give his mind and body strength to heal. We sang and prayed in desperation for him, believing that we would receive news the next day that he turned a corner and would be able to walk out of that hospital fully restored.
While we were singing the song a nurse from the hospital walked out as her shift had ended. She came over to us and asked who we were there for and she proceeded to pray with us. She told us that she would keep watch over Jerry and continue praying because she has seen firsthand how prayer changes things in the hospital. She was kind and encouraging, and she was not afraid to speak of her faith with us, complete strangers. We honestly believed she was an angel. She left and we stayed a little longer, singing and praying.
Many of you know how the rest of the story unfolded. We were met with the worst imaginable news that he would not be coming home, but that he would be entering his eternal resting place. The best news for Jerry is that he was going to meet Jesus and he would never have to suffer on this earth again. The worst news for us was that we had to say goodbye to him here on earth. This is not the way we expected to see the victory unfold.
Now, when we hear that song play these are the memories that flood back. Maybe it is part of the grieving process, but the pain of this moment in our lives remains. Instead of seeing the victory in the way we selfishly wanted, we are reminded of loss and heartache ensues. Time and activities distract us from the reality of our emotions. It is at this point that I remind myself that our time on earth is but a blink in relation to eternity, and little by little I find peace knowing that Jerry is with Jesus.
There is still pain in the grieving, but that will not override my knowing that God is good. I know we are not alone in our feelings and emotions. Maybe you have moments, events, songs, smells, or other memories that bring you back to a painful time in life. It is my prayer that you would allow God to enter in and help heal your heart. When memories try to hijack our emotions and send us spiraling let’s find our peace and strength in the arms of Jesus. You are not alone and it is okay to talk about it. God can handle our sadness and anger. He gave us emotions for a reason. Now it is up to us to bring it to Him and find true healing.
“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youth will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.”
