5%
“But Jesus looked at them and said, “With people [as far as it depends on them] it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.””
Last week Darek and I took a trip to Vero Beach, Florida for 4 days. We planned this trip last fall as a celebration of my completion of Chemotherapy and healing from cancer. Based on previous experience we know that the warm sunshine and sounds of ocean waves are both healing and relaxing. Darek had the foresight to plan a relaxing trip that would help our hearts heal from the tumultuous previous 9 months and provide focused time to re-connect and talk about our hopes and dreams.
There are many moments throughout the course of treatment when enormous goals for the future pause, and short term goals become the focus. We become very aware of the possible finality of each and every moment. I determined for myself that I would be present for my children, husband, and friends, at every single event that I could physically make it to. There were many what if’s mixed into each day. What if this is the last time I get to see my son, Toby, play baseball? What will he remember about it? Will he know that I was there cheering for him as often as possible, even when it was sunny and I had to find a place of shade to cheer from? Will Carina remember that we had a “real” birthday party with friends at our house (finally)? What if her 9th birthday is the last birthday I get to spend with her? Will this be a special memory for her? Will Makaiya remember the softball games and dance recitals that I was there for? Will she understand why I wasn’t there sometimes? Will Toby and Makaiya forgive me for not throwing them birthday parties? (I am humbled by friends who stepped in to make these events special when I couldn’t). What if this is the last…(fill in the blank)? Will my family know that I love them more than words can express, even when the spotlight seems to shine my direction more often than not during this season? The swirl of emotions heightened and it became ever clear to me that each and every day is truly a GIFT!
EVERY DAY IS A GIFT
On April 7th, 2022 I was diagnosed with Stage IV Metastatic Colon cancer. What this means is the cancer I originally had in my colon in 2020 had spread (metastasized) to my liver. This is not a good thing, and causes a great deal of concern. After many scans and tests I met with my Oncologist, Dr. L., and she informed us that this diagnosis comes with a 5-10% survival rate of 2-5 years.
Yes, you read that right!
We were told that I had a 5-10% chance of living 2-5 more years.
Darek and I swallowed hard and tried to pay attention as Dr. L. also painted a picture of the possible treatment options and how we have a (very small) chance of curing me. We chose to take this on full force and work toward the C word, CURE! Were we afraid? Yes. Did I have doubts on and off through this journey? Yes. (Full disclosure - I still do at times). We chose not to share this piece of information at that time for a couple of reasons. First, it doesn’t help anyone else to know that, other than to feel sorry for us. We also wanted to put our faith into action and trust that God had a plan through this. I was going to focus on living and thriving, and keep a hopeful outlook, come what may. I fought in the best ways I knew how, and I maintained my diet to the best of my ability while going through chemo. (I honestly believe that aided in the effectiveness of the chemo). I still had many “Where are you, God?” moments. Many of you are aware that when I had my liver resection surgery in August of 2022, the tumor and segments of liver that were removed had ZERO living cancer cells. There was no activity in the tissue and the tumor was a mass of dead cell that could not even be tested. My surgeon informed us that this response is uncommon and less than 5% of people have this outcome.
PRAISE GOD!
We knew at this point that the chemo was working, and we continued the journey only to find out that my PET scan in January showed activity in those surgical areas. Ultimately, this turned out to be inflammation and my oncologist told us that it could be inflammation (sarcoidosis), but that really only happens about 5% of the time.
Are you catching on yet?
At this point we were told that as long as the chemo worked, there is only a 5% chance of recurrence.
PRAISE GOD!
I have moved from a 5% doom and gloom diagnosis to a 5% chance of recurrence! I’ll gladly take that, thank you very much. If it’s up to me, I’ll choose to stay in the 95% - healthy and Cured category!
What now? I’m glad you asked. :) I will have a follow up PET scan in March, and once that comes back clear I will move into periodic CT scans for the next couple of years. After those scans come back clear, I will receive the FULLY CURED stamp!
Vero Beach, FLorida
January, 2023
Challenging life experiences have a way of amplifying important relationships and experiences. We see through a different lens of clarity. If you are experiencing difficulties in your own life, I want you to know that you are Perfectly Loved! You don’t have to be perfect, and it is okay to feel all of the feelings. I will leave you with a song that speaks directly to that.
“Even when you were running
Even when you were hiding
Never been a moment that you were not perfectly loved
When you barely believed it
When your eyes couldn’t see it
Every single moment, you’ve always been perfectly loved”
