Fear Not
Fear and Worry are topics that weigh heavy on my heart at times. I feel the need to address this publicly, however. The Word of God says that we are to Fear Not, because God has overcome the world and he is our Price of Peace. I am well aware of the promises of God, and I do cling to them each and every day. I do believe that human nature and the world we live in make it challenging to let go completely, as we are constantly reminded of the trails in our lives and in our world. People are suffering every day. So, how do we let go of the worry and truly Fear Not?
My story, like many others, weaves this same theme throughout. I know where my strength comes from, and I trust that God is my source of strength and my refuge. I know that leaning into these truths daily is necessary for continued peace of mind, so worry and anxiety do not have the opportunity to overtake me.
“We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with JOY!”
Colossians 1:11
We are quickly approaching the 2 year anniversary of my initial colon cancer diagnosis. March, 26th, to be precise. I know that hate is a strong word, but I really do hate that leading up to this date brings uncertainty, worry, fear, stress, and anxiety to the forefront. That, coupled with trying to be the best wife, mother, and friend I can be is sometimes exhausting. The heart - racing, uncertainty never brings out the best in me and I know that my relationships suffer in the process. Will these fears ever truly subside? Is it the remembrance of this time in my life that allows me to lean in to God in a different way, and come out even stronger each time?
I have tests and scans over the course of the coming month, and I am trying to keep my eyes fixed on Him, the one true healer. I know that the course I am on is bringing healing and health to my body, but there is still fear in the unknown at times. I have mentioned a few times that once we are presented with a life-threatening diagnosis, we have few choices to make. One of those choices is to come to terms with the possible outcomes, and to allow ourselves to be “okay” with going home to meet Jesus. I look forward to that eternal glory, and absolutely am at peace with that being my final outcome, as it is for all Christians.
That being said, it is not my intention to disregard the feelings or emotions of others. The thought of leaving my children or family “behind,” before fully living the long life I expect to live is absolutely gut-wrenching. It is not the easy thing to say or the easy way out, to allow a disease to consume us, knowing it leaves loved ones behind with brokenness. I feel the sting of death and grief just like anyone else. People with terminal diagnoses are not immune to these feelings. This is just reality. None of us are guaranteed another day, another hour, minute, or breath. Nothing about death is easy for the survivors left on earth or for the ones fighting the battle.
I am sitting in the lobby at an oral surgery center with my 8 year old daughter, Carina, as she has three teeth extracted. We attempted this procedure in the office of our local pediatric dentist, but Carina struggled mightily with anxiety at that appointment and the dentist resigned to the need for full sedation. I have to admit that I was equally, if not more, nervous than Carina about this simple procedure. Here I am teaching her how to be brave and trust God. Pray for strength and ask Him to give you a calm spirit when you feel afraid. But I am the one needing to hear these words and take them to heart.
This is a heavy topic that has been weighing on me recently, so I though it would be good to let share, as I know many people have similar challenges.
If you are struggling with anxiety, fear, or worry, please know you are not alone. Also, know that we serve a great and mighty God who is our Prince of Peace. He is Emmanuel (God with us). He is the name above EVERY other name (every sickness, disease, fear, or worry). He is the Great Physician (our healer). Without knowing and understanding these things I would be lost. An absolute mess!! It is because I know whose I am and who I am, that I am able to maintain a positive outlook, and trust the promises of God.
If you are looking for a good devotional, I have recently started From Worrier to Warrior by Candace Cameron Bure. I highly recommend checking it out!
