All of the Questions
Happy Holy Week! The is the good I find in this week, during this season of life. The truth of Jesus dying so that I could have life eternally is the most amazing gift I could ever receive. Darek reminded us during our small group meeting this week that even Jesus asked God to take this cup from him, if it was part of God’s will. He did not want to endure the pain and suffering that he knew was coming. I do not intend to compare myself to Jesus, as I know nothing in my life comes close to all he endured. I do, however, understand not wanting the hardships of life to be part of my story. It is challenging to see the path ahead, and continue to count it all joy.
We find ourselves back in the scheduling flurry of appointments, tests, and a lot of ‘hurry up and wait’ moments. Currently, I have all of my necessary appointments on the calendar. If you think of it, please take a moment to pray specifically on these days. Prayers for peace of mind would be great!
April 13th - COVID test (pre-procedure screening)
April 14th - Mammogram (routine screening)
April 15th - Ultrasound guided Thyroid Biopsy and CT - Liver Biopsy (under IV sedation)
Praying for Negative Results!
April 18th - Liver MRI with IV contrast
Praying for a Healthy Liver with No Spread!
April 20th - Test result follow up with Dr. Lassi, my new Oncologist
April 22nd - Consultation with Dr. Eric Jensen (Surgical Oncologist) [If needed]
April 28th - Colonoscopy / Upper Endoscopy
Praying for clear results
Also, please continue to pray over my family. Darek, Toby, Carina, & Makaiya have already started stepping up and filling gaps at home that help me out. They are on a mission to reduce my level of stress as much as possible and allow rest and ultimately sleep, as that alone is very healing! I ask for prayers of understanding for the kids, as this is a big, confusing concept and they really just need to focus on being kids. I definitely do not want worry to be part of their story as we navigate this situation. They are little prayer warriors, and in their innocence they pray the most heartfelt, uninhibited prayers. I have begun to ask for faith like a child, seeing it in action in our home.
I have run the gamut of questions through my mind once again, trying not to focus on the “why me” pitfall. I read a book a couple of years ago called, Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen, and she talks about the spiral our minds take if we do not take our thoughts captive and retrain our brains to think on things properly. The Bible says in Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.”
I take this to heart. My doctor (Dr. O.) told me that every day when I wake up I need to first thank God for the day set before me. Then, I should start my morning with praise. (My current go-to praise song: Gratitude by Brandon Lake). She was adamant about that, as fear cannot coexist with praise. I have struggled with thinking the “C” word each morning before my eyes open, and it frustrates me to no end!! I don’t want this to be my story, and I CERTAINLY don’t want to begin each day this way! I shared this with our small group on Monday evening, and after discussing it, I made a conscience effort that next morning to wake up and change the words that entered my mind. Between praying about that specific tormenting situation and consciously choosing, I have not woken up thinking that word since Monday! I will choose to think “Healed” instead of the “C” word. Even if it doesn’t formulate immediately, I will re-train my mind to think words of truth so the lies stop troubling me first thing in the morning. Interestingly, neuropsychology will explain how this works and how new neural pathways can form in the brain as we intentionally change our thinking. God’s design is truly fascinating!
As we dive into the coming weeks of appointments and questions, once again I choose to trust that God’s plan is greater than all of this. I trust that He will use my story to help others, and I will allow Him to work through my life to accomplish that good work.
