The Longest Season
“Sorrow may last for the night, but Joy comes with the morning!”
I am sad.
I have been meaning to write this post for over a week but every time I tried to establish a train of thought I felt stuck. I have many things on my mind that I feel led to share with you and my brain is at a tipping point.
This afternoon my phone rang. I noticed it on my watch first, as I was in the middle of making supper for Darek and the kids. When I saw the name on the phone I felt a sudden sense of panic and concern. This call was in some ways anticipated, but not yet. I scrambled to find my phone in the kitchen, hoping it was nearby and I would not miss the call before my voicemail picked up. I quickly located my phone and after briefly fumbling it nervously in my hand, I answered it. The voice on the other end of the phone was calm, and with long pauses, I heard the news that a friend of ours had passed away.
My eyes welled with tears and my voice quivered as I did my best to listen, and search for the right words (when we all know there are never right words at times like these). This friend who has now passed was the dad to one of Toby’s friends and a coach to Toby and numerous boys in our community. We first met him when Toby was 9 and he would walk with his son to the baseball fields for practices and games. He was a very private person but it was evident that he loved his sons by his dedication to them through sports. Just one short year ago he was met with a diagnosis of colon cancer! His diagnosis created an instant connection for obvious reasons. Nobody wants to be in the cancer club, yet here we were. I had just finished my treatments when he was diagnosed and just starting his journey. I never imagined that my own experience would be met so quickly by a friend needing the same support and encouragement I received during the year prior.
Seasons come and seasons go, but some seasons seem to linger and they overstay their welcome. If you have ever been to or lived in Minnesota you may know that many years Winter feels like it is never-ending. We tend to make it to mid-March, and when many of the Southern states are experiencing Spring and colorful yards/trees, we are still stuck in the depths of snow and ice. The good news is that even though we feel like Winter is never ending, somehow Spring sneaks in and takes over every year.
Life also follows this same pattern, but our seasons can last much longer. The good news about this is that we don’t have to follow a specific timeline, so if it takes 2 years or 20 years to work through the season we are in it is okay. The bummer about this, as you may have guessed, is that it can take a LONG time to work through our seasons. It feels incredibly unfair.
My journey to defeating cancer started in March of 2020. I have had ups and some major downs (some unrelated to the cancer I had) over the course of these past 3 years. Grief upon grief upon grief. Thankfully, I am finished with treatments, yet I still have these pesky periodic scans and labs that do a great job prolonging this season of healing. The scanxiety is an unwelcome guest that I am working hard to defeat. It is a battle in my mind, and I truly hope it will start to subside as I have more and more clear results.
This is the LONGEST SEASON
I had my CT scan a couple of weeks ago and as soon as my results appeared on my patient portal I couldn’t restrain myself from reading them immediately. Praise God, everything was clear. No cause for any concern, and the relief I felt was nearly the same as the relief I had after my PET scan last January.
I have been hesitant to share my results because I have friends in seasons of sickness and suffering, and I don’t want to come across as proud or selfish in my sharing. I hope you get a true sense of where my heart is and I hope you know that my honest intention is to inform and to offer HOPE!
There is always HOPE!
There is hope along the journey. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for healing.
