Things I Have Learned
Today marked the completion of my 10th infusion! Yes, 10!!! I’m stuck between feeling relieved that this treatment is almost complete and feeling disappointed that I am not already finished. If I could submit a minor complaint it would be that this is HARD and “I JUST WANT TO BE DONE!” I know so many people have it worse than me and it seems unfair to them that I only have to endure 12 rounds of chemotherapy. That is the realization that brings me back to being grateful that I will be finished with this treatment soon, however, I am feeling completely selfish and I really just want to be finished now. Boo hoo, woe is me, wah wah! Okay, now I am finished feeling sorry for myself.
I know this is all for a purpose.
God has a plan that is better than anything I could imagine. Sometimes I wish I just knew where His plan was leading so I could see how this is all going to be worthwhile. I am determined not to give up because I know the harvest is coming.
Monday morning was the start of this week’s infusion and I had a new nurse this time. She was lighthearted and funny, so that made the morning more enjoyable. That, and the fact that the elevators were BOTH working! Have I failed to mention in the past that the elevators in the building with the M Health Fairview Cancer Center have only been working intermittently, and the infusion center is on the SIXTH floor?!?! Darek and I hiked the stairs for my first appointment back in May because both elevators were broken. From that point forward there has typically been only one elevator in service, but at infusion #9 neither elevator was working. So, I hiked it up to the 6th floor via the stairs once again. I am grateful that I have the strength and ability to take the stairs because there are a lot of patients needing assistance with walking in general, and they cannot climb one flight of stairs, let alone six!
I was the first patient in the infusion center on Monday so I got to choose any chair I wanted! Woohoo! I chose the chair that has the largest space for the curtain, so when they need to close it they don’t have to shuffle everything around in the tight space.
It’s the little things, friends.
My nurse and I were joking that the it’s like being at a very expensive spa. They bring me a warm blanket and a glass of water, and always offer snacks when I arrive. Then, before I leave I get a “swag bag” (in a trendy fanny pack) with thousands of dollars worth of medication inside (Bruno)! Wow, what a gift! Haha!
I have started chewing (SPRY) peppermint gum before my saline flushes. The taste of saline now gives me a feeling of anxiety that I did not have until recently. Even the thought of that taste makes me nauseous. It is a very strange sensation when a flush of saline coursing through the veins causes a metallic taste in the mouth. Yuck! They do this before any administration of medications and before they disconnect the port.
I have often wondered why I feel so cold now, aside from naturally feeling cold. One of the nurses explained that chemo affects our body’s ability to regulate temperature because the sweat glands are affected. We do not produce new glands and those that were once working properly are being attacked, therefore not allowing the body to regulate temperature naturally. I must say that I am grateful to be finished with this in December so my body can heal through the winter, and hopefully get back to temperature regulation before it gets too cold outside! In the meantime you can find me under my electric blanket. I will embrace being the weirdo who wears a stocking hat and UGG boots when it’s 50 outside. :)
I recently learned that there are four kinds of love as it is in ancient Greek. Here are two of the four:
phileo -> Brotherly Love
agape -> Unconditional Love, the God-kind of love
As Christians, we are called to love one another as God first loved us. I am grateful for the community my family is surrounded by, especially right now. We have so many people showing us unconditional love. No matter how many times we forget to do something or be somewhere, there is grace. Friends check in and drop by with meals, treats, and encouraging conversation. I still find it amazing that God places people in our lives at the perfect time, and with exactly what we need.
I have no explanation other than God.
This week was hard, but the unexpected text messages from friends, the extra surprise of flowers and soup when I just couldn’t stomach anything else, and the welcome visit and treat from a friend were exactly what I needed in God’s perfect timing!
Let us love each other deeply - especially through the HARD things!
